January 2012
17 posts
“The selection of a Republican candidate for the presidency of this globalized...”
– Fidel Castro, who was the subject of several barbs during a GOP debate in Florida. (via officialssay)
Crucial
Vanessa Bryant is bout to get paid →
I wonder if I’m not gonna be crazy anymore once my boyfriend gets back and I finally get laid. And if that’s the case - should I be going to Sex Addicts Anonymous? Because that’s one too many Anonymouses to be going to. Fuck.
3 tags
1 tag
Conversation in a dream I just had
Me, trying to figure out what to order: What would your grandma get?
Friend: Ummm, I'm not really sure.
Me: Well, what would Britney Spears get?
1 tag
My Sister: Guess what I have for you???
Me: Misplaced question marks
“And I’m sure you’re not fucking up anything too much unless...”
– The way that I “reassure” people isn’t probably on par with what maybe like how Oprah would do it. But it works. I think.
1 tag
“The point of the thesis proposal is like…I mean, you’re trying to show them that...”
– I have no idea why Denise thought that I would be an appropriate person to turn to for thesis help. (via ramou)
slightlyshy:
Can we all give Courtney Stodden a break for a minute? She’s fucking 16. Sherlock Holmes was my boyfriend when I was 16. From the books.
From the books.
“I don’t like [Redacted], Denise. Just based on the way you talk about him,...”
– I’m doing a decently fantastic job of getting my roommate to say nasty things about people, and at this point I don’t even care if it’s about people that are in my life
1 tag
Dear Self
You seriously need to figure out how to Put. Work. Away. during the hours in which you are actively not at work. While this is not something that will come easily - nor is it something you are naturally programmed to do - it is not okay that you are checking your emails or “putting out fires” at random times throughout the day. It is not okay that you are emailing or texting your...
3 tags
Five off-beat ways to get a date in Boston: Face... →
I’m just Googling the shit out of life over here today [rather than researching topics for my thesis, shhhh], and kind of looking for things to do in Boston to keep me sane outside my million-hour-work-week schedule, and I came upon this. Really, I’m only reblogging for my Boston-based homies because be it my roommates or my friends, I always hear the same complaint: There’s...
2 tags
Conversations of an Awesome Relationship, Part 3
Me [on the phone, because we're 3,000 miles apart for 6 weeks]: Hey, I'm actually on the train [and am not an annoying bitch], so let me call you back in like 20 minutes when I'm walking home.
J: Okay baby.
Me: Not that that's a good idea or anything.
J: Why is that?
Me: Because that's how people get mugged, dummy. If you're talking on your phone and it's late and you're walking outside, then you get mugged.
J: Okay, well --
Me: I wish someone would mug me, by the way. I would fucking rip their eyeball out.
J: Ohhhhhkay ...
Me: You thought only Uma Thurman could do that shit. No way. I have a lot of rage. I'm a gangsta. I'm gangsta to the core. You have the toughest gangsta bitch ever for a girlfriend.
J: All right. We're done here. I'll talk to you soon. Have a safe trip.
Me: I'm throwing up gang signs right now.
1 tag
Conversations of an Awesome Relationship, Part 2
Me: Watching a Justin Bieber special. He's a decent rapper. This is important info that you could pass along to others.
J: Word, really? You make it so hard to love you sometimes.
December 2011
32 posts
Some Things
I don’t know who I thought I was, banging out a 23 hour trip to New York specifically to see one person for two hours, but here I am, back on a bus to Boston. While in New York (and the past five days, in fact, so don’t get it twisted), I drank my calories rather than ate, and talked too much about too many aspects of my life. C’est la vie, as they say, but some very serious...
“I don’t give the finger, I just tell people to fuck off!”
– Chelsea Handler
“That’s what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody...”
– Louis C.K. (via winnr)
Okay
“Bitch, make me a shrimp scampi.”
– Best quote of the day
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-25) →
Britney Spears (3)
Lloyd Banks (2)
J. Cole (2)
Michael Jackson (2)
Lil’ Wayne (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
1 tag
Conversations of an Awesome Relationship, Part 1
Me: Yo yo yo, whattup Blood?
J: No more 90s gangster rap for you.
“I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is. You can never ask me about...”
– The Town … Probably the only time I will ever say that Ben Affleck appeared to be sexy - whilst quoting this line
This dumb bitch got drunk on a Megabus and lost a... →
Let’s not kid ourselves - I know what “fatigued” means.
“I’m almost positive that u have been waiting for this text all night but I...”
– Texts coworkers send me at 2 AM
Transitioning from beer drunk to wine drunk. Hoping I don’t accidentally sext someone or - even worse - continue watching some bullshit MTV how.
1 tag
Bryan: Denise, do you know what my goal is tonight?
Me: To get some bitches?
Bryan: Cheee-yah. But you know what else is my goal?
Me: What else is your goal?
Bryan: To have to go to the clinic tomorrow.
Me: [Dead]
“Save it lady, and then shake it like a Polaroid picture.”
– His response
“You’re unbelievable. I’m keeping this text for when you try and run...”
– Herman Cain Junior aka my boy Justin
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-18) →
Beyoncé (3)
Marques Houston (2)
The Notorious B.I.G. (2)
Jamie Foxx (1)
Flo Rida (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
1 tag
2 tags
admittedly, I only know it's the festival of...
Me: [Answering the phone] Happy Hanukkah!
Friend: What? Huh? Wait, what did you say?
Me: Hanukkah! It's the first night of Hanukkah.
Friend: What the fuck is Hanukkah?
Me: It's the festival of lights. So it's the first night for that or whatever.
Friend: Oh shit, is that an African thing?
Me: I mean, I guess Jews are in Africa, sure. Wait, are you high?
Friend: You know me.
Googling people’s addresses has gotten significantly more difficult this year. I could have sworn that last year I sent out my cards entirely from googling my assorted family members (with whom I don’t engage in any sort of regular contact [a holiday card feels to be a passive-but-nice-enough way to remedy that?]), but I just cannot seem to find a way to glean addresses without...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-11) →
Beyoncé (5)
2Pac (2)
Christina Aguilera (2)
Britney Spears (2)
Justin Timberlake (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
“Maybe I *am* a Negative Nelly, but I don’t need you nitwits to point that...”
– This one dude is a serious Negative Nelly, and up until this point, I was sure was self aware enough to realize that. Apparently not …
“There’s a Starbucks inside the church? I would accept Jesus Christ for...”
– Because duh
“Why am I entertaining your bullshit?”
– The first thing J says to me pretty much on the regular. As Jennifer Hudson once pondered (in song), if this isn’t love, then tell me what it is.
3 tags
Me: [Telling J my plans for the night]
J: All right babe, ball out to tonight.
Me: I'm gonna ball so hard mothafuckas gonna fine me.
J: Alllllllllll right.
Me: That shit cray.
J: We're done here. [Hangs up]
“Oh, also everything. I’m awesome at everything but I wanted to single out...”
– This is what happens when you have a best friend who is the male version of yourself. He says things and I get equally pissed that he’s still alive and that I didn’t think of saying it first.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-4) →
Jay-Z & Kanye West (3)
Adele (3)
Nas (2)
Cassie (2)
Eminem (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
A.S.B.: Who doesn't like a blonde joke? →
afternoonsnoozebutton:
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The…
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and figure it the fuck out.
I am almost irrationally beside myself because I can’t watch a single episode of Teen Mom online that I haven’t already seen. I’m serious. This is my emotional state.
Oh, and also my relationship is haywire right now.
Cool story, bro.
