I’m just a tragedy at formalities, true story.
No, it’s fine. I was just dreaming about dinosaurs.– My response to the roomies waking me up by coming home drunk; currently, my response to everything
Shoulda never given this kid access to my tumblr
Theo’s reading my blogs out loud in a southern cowboy accent. I’m probably gonna kill him.
Your Daily Theo and Denise
Theo: You're the peel to my banana.
Me: Quit speaking in code.
Theo: If I were speaking in any kind of code it would be MORSE CODE.
Me: Stop that, you're not funny.
This article represents why I can't go home .. I'M... →
What if the fams goes bananas psycho and starves me and makes me wear bags for shirts?
It was pretty cool tonight when my sister said to me, “You shouldn’t have to choose between paying rent and having health insurance.” I mean, duh. But also, this seems like it should be essence of the health care reform debate. In fact, that could be the catch phrase, I won’t even copyright it or anything. Because I agree but it’s like, these are issues that us real,...
I almost just want to tell my family I took a job filming scenes in adult movies so they’ll shut the fuck up already.
I always get wildly nostalgic around when I’m moving, and especially if it serves the purpose of helping me to procrastinate by blogging about it. I don’t know, something about being able to leave all your doors open and blasting obnoxious music, wearing the obligatory wife beater (oh so what, feminists, that’s what I call it) and dingy shorts as your uniform while utilizing the...
When I think of people I admire and quasi-role models who are disgustingly younger than me, automatically I think of Taylor Swift. And, look, she’s aeven a crossover artist in her own right. Jeasies? I know you are. (Of her, not me.)
A weird article of a boy who manipulated the hell... →
This is a really bizarre story, a little over-the-top and kinda of reads like a movie plotline. Seven pages but interesting enough to hold your attention.
Boston made me an angry driver. I have never wished awful things on so many people in such a short period of time .. It’s kind of embarrassing.
Are You Saying They Should Have Bigger Things to Worry About? White teen bimbo #1: I can’t believe I got that parking ticket! Police have nothing better to do. White teen bimbo #2, totally serious: Yeah, I mean… they still don’t know who killed biggie, but they have time to give parking tickets? That’s fucking ridiculous. —72nd & Columbus Wait, that’s a...
Selling/looking for some furniture on Craigslist and came upon one that advertised: Students this is the perfect bookshelf for a dorm or fraternity house! 4 feet wide by 7.5feet high. Holds a LOT of books and is in excellent shape. Dark walnut stain. You must pick it up. NO DELIVERY. Best if there are two of you to come for it. YOU MUST PAY CASH!!! Question: Who in the holy hell is in need of...
So for the upcoming birthday with the fams, I was thinking about just linking my fams to my Amazon wishlist, which sort of just helps me to remember what shade of Bare Minerals I typically buy when I need to restock and has all the books I need for the upcoming semester on it, plus some other random DVDs and assorted goodies. Anyway, grand idea, right? WRONG. Just realized that I may or may not...
There’s a part of me that wants Prezzy O to give a 2 AM speech about the passing of Senator Kennedy, mostly because I know he’s roughly 50 miles away from me right now on the Cape and also because might as well be ballerific about it, right?
A group of us went to trivia at a local bar tonight and my team, very democratically, decided on our name: Denise Puts Out. (My 6 votes apparently didn’t count.) By the end of the night. 3 of the guys were waltzing around the bar attempting to round up the men and women who might go home with me .. Lucky for me I’m either uber intimidating, have terrible promoters, or am just really...
(541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests– Texts from Last Night I. Died.
Never fails that some huge “wrinkle” (as my dad’s girlfriend likes to call it) occurs whenst moving. My nightmare? I just found out, four days prior to moving, that my house will not fit my queen-sized box spring. Therefore, I am in need of a split box spring, but apparently so is everyone else in Boston. Damn narrow staircases. Help?
Just watching the nightly news on CBS (NBC?) and they’re discussing the aministration of the N1H1 vaccine. They talk about how a ‘bad batch’ might result in guillain barré, which is a disorder in which the body’s immune system attacks part of the peripheral nervous system. With my grandfather, guillain barre presented itself in the form of muscular paralysis and mild...
Your Daily Theo and Denise
Me: I wanna be a summer camp counselor and make everyone call me Grape
Theo: [Blank stare]
Me: I HAVE A LOT OF GOOD IDEAS!
Theo: Annnnnnnd that wasn't one of them.
Wow. Wow. Suck it Jeff Lewis.– Jenny, Jeff’s assistant, in regards to an 11 year old’s demands
Rap Represented in Math →
Let’s just face it, everyone looks better with seven more inches.– Rachel Zoe, whom I loathe but I’ve been saying this for years
Ew. I think I just saw two people fall in love in the coffee shop I’ve been squatting in for hours. Get out of the movies, idiots.
Regarding our prior place of employment a few...
Lil: The girl who replaced me [at my old job] is driving me crazy
Me: Oh noooooo why? What happened
Me: Wait, i feel like this is a good story
Me: What [our former organization] lacks in salary, it makes up for in bizarre stories
Me: Well, not exactly, it's not a fair trade or anything, but still
I hate that part on IMDB that talks about incontinuities in movies. I like to think movies are perfect and that the type of material presented is an anal retentive bastard-ish sort of thing you have to sincerely be looking for in order to find. Or, I mean, sometimes not, but still. Let magic be magic, yknow?
You’re legally allowed to drink now, so we figured the best thing for you...– Billy to Will, Good Will Hunting
“Beautiful Dirty Rich” - Lady GaGa ...
My boy is wicked smaht!– Morgan, Good Will Hunting
Watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians
Me: Ewww they just showed [Khloe Kardashian's] urine on television [while she was taking a drug test]!!!!
Me: That's some next-level shit right there.
Esi: It was really dark in color
Me: THEY SHOWED A CUP OF [Khloe's] ORANGE ASS URINE
Sometimes children are really, really bright
I’ll Pass That on to Your Dad, Honey Mother: People that live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Seven-year-old son: They shouldn’t be naked either. Mother: Um, that too. —Penn Station Overheard by: Rob A. via Overheard in New York, Aug 21, 2009
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your...– Maya Angelou (via hunsonisgroovy) Feeling quote-tastic today. And inspired.