I hate facebook, part 94
Me: [My girl who's trying to get me to hook her up with my bestfriend] was like send him a facebook picture of me .. I'm like, dummy, everyone knows I don't possess a facebook login. Sext him yourself.
Kyle: I love how you went to "I don't have facebook" as your out on that.
Me: But she specifically asked me to facebook it to you. It was the medium presented. Yo, you're so stupid. I might as well be having conversations with myself.
And I don't even text that much
Wouldn’t it be funny if people started calling cell phones “text machines”? Cuz that’s how I’ve started referring to my phone, just so you know.
I just want to hear a rapper call a girl a ho. That’s it!– me on my preferences in music
Erin Brockovich Impressions on Black Friday
Sister: Did you finish up all the billing?
Sister: Why did you come into the office today if you didn't plan on working? Let's not get off on the wrong foot here...
Me: Oh really? Well that's all you got, lady! Two wrong feet in fucking ugly shoes!
Sister: Dad and I don't appreciate your impressions or your humor...
Me: Everyone loves Erin Brockovich. Go fuck yourselves.
My hair dresser is going to kill me
First of all, I rarely get my hair cut. Like, if Denise is “getting a haircut”, then you know that I’ve got a lot of extra money lying around or I’m just feeling down in the dumps about my physical appearance or something (which never happens aka I’m a fierce sexy bitch aka why I never get my hair cut). Mostly, I just take matters into my own hands. I’m pretty...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-11-21) →
Britney Spears (2) Tami Chynn (2) Teyana Taylor (1) Jamie Foxx (1) T-Pain (1) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Are the Elder Bushes Officially the Greatest Old... →
Guys. I’ve been saying this for a while, but outside of politics, G.W. 41 wasn’t all that bad. I actually find him and his wife to be quite endearing in that “oh gosh, look at my grandparents” sort of way.
live in the now: BBC Book List →
Anyone who knows me knows I haven’t read a book for leisure in like, 10 years? Once I had to start reading a ton for class in college, the interest in reading in my spare time died. So I thought, as a non book-reader, how many of these will I have read? A surprising amount. Guess I used to like books more than I realized. Have you read more than 6 of these books? The BBC believes most people...
You know me; always prepped for a rave.– Janie, sent to me right before she came into work on Saturday at noon. “Rave” might be my new code word for work .. Anything to get through the day, I guess.
It almost feels as if I've lost my voice.
And I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking on it, and that’s certainly not the case - demure, soft spoken, or at a loss for words have never been adjectives or phrases that could describe me. Despite this, and despite my absolute ability to relay my feelings, in total, to the friends around me (or to myself, in my head), I’ve been finding myself completely incapable of...
Guy 1, after hearing about the 20 minute wait: Lets just wait at the bar [of the restaurant].
Guy 2: [Nodding in agreement]
Girl: All right. Well how do we get to the bar part?
Guy 1: We have to go outside then come back in. [Group exits in front of me in a single file line.]
Guy 1, Guy 2, and Girl, 1.2 minutes later: [Enter through same door of exit, single file again.]
I'm in a shitty state, and I don't mean New Jersey
I do this thing where I hole up in my house, stay in my bed all day, and hate life, basically. It happens nearly every time I have a few days off, rendering me completely unproductive through that time. There’s a part of me that thinks this is due to a lack in protein or iron or, hell Vitamin D because it’s not like I’m sitting here all crying and writing my last will or...
We need [relationship] counseling.– An ex(ish), after realizing that we still have an amazing time together a few years out. I’m inclined to agree more now, after having barely slept last night and saying goodbye this morning, no sex included. (P to the fucking S, it’s only because I’m working on 8 hours of sleep in...
I've made great strides trying to get one of my... →
He’s 6’4” and sort of misanthropic in nature .. I dunno, it always seemed fitting. Anyway, that chick beat him to the punch, which makes me sad.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-11-14) →
Beenie Man (2) T.I. (1) Katy Perry (1) Chris Brown (1) Lloyd Banks (1) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
I just wrote a halfway insane post about arson and...
Blessing in disguise much?
Every time I make a move in the right direction to seriously get my ass in gear, I end up back in my bed watching something in my Hulu queue.
“pretty boy swag” - soulja boy this...
A good idea for Amazon/Groupon/every company...
There should be a “return because I was drunk when I purchased this” button on everything purchase online ever. Ever.
Time to crack open the wine .. I sure waited long enough for an acceptable time to drink. Too alcoholic-y? Shut it.
Facebook launching email - plans to be 'Google... →
Blocking all emails sent from @facebook.com because nothing could seem douchier or more 12 year old-ish.
Friday can get fucked
in that disgusting, mean way .. I need more coffee.
I’m 15 minutes into my work day, and I’m ready hiding in the bathroom. It’s looking to be one of THOSE days.
Never, never in my fucking life will I accept the phrase, “It’s a complicated situation.” Pardon the disdain dripping from this post, but approximately 99% of occurrences are pretty open and shut, and most things in life, if complicated at all, boil down to something rather simple in nature. Mostly, if you’re doing snake-like shit, there typically isn’t a...
I just found the man I’m gonna marry on OKC and I’m creeped out by that thought....– Despite being a mess myself and dateless since April, I have become the go-to for OKC questions. (via ramou) Since Ramou is too much of a stand-up lady to say it, I’ll just go ahead: this was totally me, and it was in a moment of weakness at 1 AM. Truth be told, said fella stated that...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-11-7) →
Drake (13) Bounty Killer (3) Kelis (3) Beyoncé (2) Mary J Blige (2) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
I will erase this bitch’s social security number.– Lil’ Kim on Nicki Minaj .. that is some serious gangster shit. Don’t call me out when I bite that.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.– F. Scott Fitzgerald
You know those days when you just wanna let a big fuckin monsoon of tears erupt from your eyes, but logic tells you nothing is wrong, and logic always outweighs emotion? You know those days when you’re just waiting, as if that other shoe is just about to drop, but when did the first? Siting here, lost in thought, which is never a good place in which to be lost.
When is it considered a "date"?
Looks like that coffee at 7 PM - although...
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the...– Buddha
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-10-31) →
Akon (1) Jackson 5 (1) Keri Hilson (1) Lady Gaga (1) Kanye West (1) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz