dsiz: Can I take a picture of your boobs and send it to my friend?
dsiz: He's in basic training.
Me: Oh, for the troops? Okay.
Here's why I'm a really good friend
I’m compiling a multi-page document of funny/lame shit from the internet - including things from lamebook, TFLN, etc. - to print out and send to my best friend, who is currently at boot camp. The letters of my life I send very regularly are amusing, I’m sure, but there’s something untouchable about the asinine nature of others and the proof they post on the internet.
This is the part where I say, “Good job, Denise, for being a good grown-up. You handled today quite well.” And that I did.
Come on, be responsible about your self-destructive habits.– Duh
So here's something I'll likely never understand
How do people finish sandwiches? It’s exhausting, and all I did was eat half of one while sitting in my car in my driveway. I said the other day that I don’t finish sandwiches - ever - not because I’m no longer hungry, but because I get so darn bored. Today, I experienced lethargy. I mean, add in the sickness and yeah, I’m probably not in a prime state to finish a sammy on...
My To-Do List for Today (that inevitably won't get...
Remove trash from my room Yelp some shit (I’m going to a new salon today and had some dope Middle Eastern cuisine this past week, so I’m on one) Get auto insurance Clean the dishes that I have in my room (there are only 3 cups and a bowl, guys - keep in mind I work from here as well) Get quarters from the bank Make my bed Apply to 5 jobs Get my car inspected Send in the...
In which I realize I'm a crazy person
So I’m pretty irate this evening, a rage that was once, in my teen years, a regular in my mood groups. It’s rare for me these days, as I’ve made grandiose attempts at Zen. Despite mainly failing at that, I’m the likeliest candidate to use those Dr. Phil-esque techniques such as counting to ten or removing myself from the situation. Today, I realize, has been compounded by...
“BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account... →
melsanie: -Jimmy Fallon [Guest of a Guest]
Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams....– Lady GaGa Preach.
folkinz: lindsay lohan is blonde again:
Lord please help me To never be The angry girl with the furrowed brow Staring menicingly at my Mac
Glee is bopping this Rachel’s mom thing on the head, and it’s driving me insane. I’m sensitive about mother-related things, that being because mine left us in a not-so-graceful manner about four years ago. The logic centers of your brain tell you that twenty-seven years of marriage and two children in their twenties would merit .. I don’t know, something. And yet it...
Me: [in response to an idiot movie they have on] Why are the ghosts sweating?
Paul: They're wet.
Me: You can't get a ghost wet. Oh wait, LOL GUYZ!! Get it?!!
Why would you have a pastry if you could have a piece if candy?– Only brilliant things are said in my living room after midnight
somuchsass: Jimmy Fallon Teaches Mick Jagger How To Be Mick Jagger Jimmy has been KILLING it lately.
In which I have a great deal of foresight
Me: You're going to have three daughters, I can tell.
Paul: FUCK! Don't say that?
Me: Why? You're just going to, is all. Why is that a bad thing?
Paul: I don't want three daughters. Why would you tell me I'm having three daughters? How do you know?
Me: I just know these things, I can tell. I have a lot of foresight, man. I'm a great predictor of stuff.
I told you earlier I shoulda turned off my phone...
Please tell me why it takes a motherfucking hour to set up an appointment for a yearly exam. Like, not a big deal, it’ll take 30 minutes tops for this check-up and in theory there should be 30-minute time blocks just chillin, ready for me to jump on at a time that is convenient for me. I have interesting school and work conflicts and I can’t be bothered to sit around playing...
The obligatory “I’m feeling sick” post, because god knows misery loves company. I’m “at work” regardless of the illness - wonder when I’ll stop putting that in quotes; just because I work from home doesn’t mean I’m not at work, but it’s somewhat difficult to persuade others and myself that I’m not just here in my room having a dance...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-5-23) →
Wale (3) Lil Wayne (2) Whitney Houston (1) Kanye West (1) Jordin Sparks (1) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
Oklahoma high school soccer players suspended... →
Because of my childhood and how things with my parents were, it is often that I get asked if there are children in my future. This probably also has a lot to do with the fact that I’m extremely maternal, I’m naturally a provider. But in honesty, it’s stories like these that make me hesitate to even begin thinking about having a family. Not to get nostalgic about “how things...
I treat my entire life as a Jesus audition, Dave.– Russell Brand on David Letterman [source]
Color my life with the chaos of trouble.
When I think about who I want to become and where I want to go in life, I always end up simply thinking “wise” and perhaps, if I’m lucky, “graceful”. I’m perpetually wondering if I’m fulfilling the former, perpetually used to the fact that I’m miles away from the latter.
Here's how I'm going to make a zillion dollars
I’m going to create a function (an app, shall we say) wherein your phone has a breathalyzer-type function. From this, it will determine when you are wasted, aka when you should not be texting people. Then, it will render your phone useless to you except for to contacts that are on a predetermined list (for instance, the cab company or your responsible roommate). I’m getting a patent or...
Oh hey guyz, sorry for posting my mug all up in...
But I’m really susceptible to marketing and influence.– It’s true, and I’m one of few who will admit that. I just got about 14,000 emails from my school all “evaluate your courses this semester”. I’ve deleted at least 10 of them, but I finally got one today and I decided, the fuck with it, I gotchu. I’ll tell you how...
Everyone - no seriously, everyone - who gets a significant other becomes fucking snoozefests and a half. I just asked my male roommate, a Boston native and sports fanatic, to watch the Celtics game with me. “I might be on the phone instead,” he told me. I couldn’t do anything but walk away in disgust. Relationships fuck people up, make them absolutely useless, if they allow it to.
Humans have a knack for choosing precisely the things that are worst for them.– Albus Dumbledore (via kari-shma)
Boston Tumblr Meetup
bostonmeetups: Save the Date: Next Boston Tumblr Meetup with Beeriety. Thursday May 20th 8:00pm Charlie’s Kitchen 10 Eliot St. Cambridge, MA
A collection of thoughts - cohesion is overrated
When I think about that post a few days back in which I glorify the act of minimalization, I seem to have forgotten one thing: It makes me physically ill to think of selling or getting rid of my books, especially if I haven’t read them. And even then, I am well known for rendering a book unsellable. Nearly half of all the pages I read are littered with highlights or underlines, chicken...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2010-5-16) →
Britney Spears (21) Usher (8) Nicki Minaj (7) Jay-Z (6) The Roots (6) Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
8:30 PM, I'm hella tired, and I've applied to two...
It’s like a win-some, lose-some sorta thing, ya dig?