December 2011
32 posts
Some Things
I don’t know who I thought I was, banging out a 23 hour trip to New York specifically to see one person for two hours, but here I am, back on a bus to Boston. While in New York (and the past five days, in fact, so don’t get it twisted), I drank my calories rather than ate, and talked too much about too many aspects of my life. C’est la vie, as they say, but some very serious...
“I don’t give the finger, I just tell people to fuck off!”
– Chelsea Handler
“That’s what optimistic means, you know. It means stupid. An optimist is somebody...”
– Louis C.K. (via winnr)
Okay
“Bitch, make me a shrimp scampi.”
– Best quote of the day
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-25) →
Britney Spears (3)
Lloyd Banks (2)
J. Cole (2)
Michael Jackson (2)
Lil’ Wayne (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
1 tag
Conversations of an Awesome Relationship, Part 1
Me: Yo yo yo, whattup Blood?
J: No more 90s gangster rap for you.
“I need your help. I can’t tell you what it is. You can never ask me about...”
– The Town … Probably the only time I will ever say that Ben Affleck appeared to be sexy - whilst quoting this line
This dumb bitch got drunk on a Megabus and lost a... →
Let’s not kid ourselves - I know what “fatigued” means.
“I’m almost positive that u have been waiting for this text all night but I...”
– Texts coworkers send me at 2 AM
Transitioning from beer drunk to wine drunk. Hoping I don’t accidentally sext someone or - even worse - continue watching some bullshit MTV how.
1 tag
Bryan: Denise, do you know what my goal is tonight?
Me: To get some bitches?
Bryan: Cheee-yah. But you know what else is my goal?
Me: What else is your goal?
Bryan: To have to go to the clinic tomorrow.
Me: [Dead]
“Save it lady, and then shake it like a Polaroid picture.”
– His response
“You’re unbelievable. I’m keeping this text for when you try and run...”
– Herman Cain Junior aka my boy Justin
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-18) →
Beyoncé (3)
Marques Houston (2)
The Notorious B.I.G. (2)
Jamie Foxx (1)
Flo Rida (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
1 tag
2 tags
admittedly, I only know it's the festival of...
Me: [Answering the phone] Happy Hanukkah!
Friend: What? Huh? Wait, what did you say?
Me: Hanukkah! It's the first night of Hanukkah.
Friend: What the fuck is Hanukkah?
Me: It's the festival of lights. So it's the first night for that or whatever.
Friend: Oh shit, is that an African thing?
Me: I mean, I guess Jews are in Africa, sure. Wait, are you high?
Friend: You know me.
Googling people’s addresses has gotten significantly more difficult this year. I could have sworn that last year I sent out my cards entirely from googling my assorted family members (with whom I don’t engage in any sort of regular contact [a holiday card feels to be a passive-but-nice-enough way to remedy that?]), but I just cannot seem to find a way to glean addresses without...
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-11) →
Beyoncé (5)
2Pac (2)
Christina Aguilera (2)
Britney Spears (2)
Justin Timberlake (1)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
“Maybe I *am* a Negative Nelly, but I don’t need you nitwits to point that...”
– This one dude is a serious Negative Nelly, and up until this point, I was sure was self aware enough to realize that. Apparently not …
“There’s a Starbucks inside the church? I would accept Jesus Christ for...”
– Because duh
“Why am I entertaining your bullshit?”
– The first thing J says to me pretty much on the regular. As Jennifer Hudson once pondered (in song), if this isn’t love, then tell me what it is.
3 tags
Me: [Telling J my plans for the night]
J: All right babe, ball out to tonight.
Me: I'm gonna ball so hard mothafuckas gonna fine me.
J: Alllllllllll right.
Me: That shit cray.
J: We're done here. [Hangs up]
“Oh, also everything. I’m awesome at everything but I wanted to single out...”
– This is what happens when you have a best friend who is the male version of yourself. He says things and I get equally pissed that he’s still alive and that I didn’t think of saying it first.
My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2011-12-4) →
Jay-Z & Kanye West (3)
Adele (3)
Nas (2)
Cassie (2)
Eminem (2)
Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz
A.S.B.: Who doesn't like a blonde joke? →
afternoonsnoozebutton:
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The…
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and figure it the fuck out.
I am almost irrationally beside myself because I can’t watch a single episode of Teen Mom online that I haven’t already seen. I’m serious. This is my emotional state.
Oh, and also my relationship is haywire right now.
Cool story, bro.
